Scary feeling..

I don't know why, but then I am very very extremely worried for my Promotional exams. I mean its just 2 days ahead. And its a kind of paper that determines if I am gonna make it or break it. This is my first time that i feel so scared and worried in case of me being retained. I think I am too used to be in the 'environment' my sec school has given me, that didn't give me a chance of feeling this way. I have never thought that I would get retained at any point of my life until now. And I guess this kind feeling ' i am gonna fail this exams,shit shit shit.' is not going to be over after 5oct (yes, that the end of my promo exams). Cause I know, (if i get promoted first), next year the block tests, midyears,Prelims and A'levels would make me feel the same way. And (if i am able to make it to Uni), perhaps I would still have that feeling, all the way until i graduated. Then it might marks the end of this feeling, but another kind of feeling would comes and i think thats too far to think of it now. 

Especially when, I don't even have the confidence to say that I would get promoted now. I guess, JC is a place that test you not only on your academic side, it also tests your mental strength. I sincerely felt that I have made a wrong choice by coming to JC. Its straining my mental health. 

"Grass is always greener on the other sides"

That's what I feel now, looking at all my Poly friends enjoying their lives playing,working. How blissful are they?  When they get to enjoy 2 months break after around 4months of one semester?! That makes me jealous especially when you have SO MANY BEST FRIENDS in Poly. And you are like one of the few souls suffering under the hands of the monster named - Alevels. 

I think I am just lacking encouragement. The feeling of how stress JC life is, I have no one to convey it to. And its even difficult to talk to your best friends in sec school as they dont attend the same thing as I did. Its even worst when you don't have a soul mate in your school yet. 

And so, I have to go back to reality now. And study for my Promos. And Make Sure That I am Able To Get Promoted. 

p.s I need lots of luck.