i feel sadd..

i dun think anyone will actually rmb my birthday. it seem so nt good when it is jus 2 days before CNY. i wanted a celebration,but u see, nobody would rmb my birthday. and cos' it is jus near CNY,ppl will onli care abt that. so i dun like it when my birthday falls near CNY. i dun like the fact that i had to always like celebrate with nobody. everytime i see my friends,their birthday is like whole big grp ppl celebrating for them. and when it is my birthday, is onli me alone.

maybe is due to me. blame myself for being ugly,fat. and these make me dun seem to have alot of friends.. maybe i shud try and widen my social circle. but i dun really like it in BIG crowds. cos maybe i hate it when a big bunch of ppl is with u but u are jus invisible to them. as in u are in MARS and they are all in EARTH. i dun see a need that i need to change anything to have more friends,cos it isnt a real me.

maybe ppl thinks that i hav alot of friends cos i smile alot and laugh. of cos i will smile and laugh, i am emotional. but dun ur find that onli some moment when ur neglect me and pushed me to another side and as if i dun exist, haha, of cos ur wont notice. when u are talking happily with others how would ur find that i am jus at the other side and being treated as invisible? haha,that is the funniest thing i can say.

i think maybe i am nt rich, and pretty enough, cos ppl are prone to these two types of ppl. is like asking urself, would u go and hang around with ppl that is short and penniless and not good-looking? hmm,maybe i shud try out some ways to make myself look taller..

for god sake, i am scared and afraid of loneliness. It sucks when u are all alone. all alone in a room/place. the feeling is, i dunno how to say in words here. wad would u feel when all e sudden nobody is around? sometimes i think that i am far away from all of ur.. i dun seem to find a connection or link maybe? hahas, bt i noe soon, or mayb few more years,i will feel more comfortable, but it still seem far away dream...

my birthday, would u think anyone would rmb..? hahas,i noe the answer myself. so i suppose i am all alone for my birthday once more..nvm, maybe i shud get used to it?? hmmm....

and i am real sorry if i neglect u too...maybe there will be some friends that i hope they wont neglect me: Wip darling! agnes,tj ,vanessa ,andy and tarilyn.